I Do Not Know How I Feel About This. . .

My family is a bit dysfunctional. I guess in today’s world it is hard to find a family without some dysfunction. Our dysfunction comes in the forms of divorce, codependency, drug abuse, and a myriad of other problems. I am lucky to be, for lack of a better term, “collateral damage”. In other words, I am effected by the dysfunction by merely having familial relationships with the individuals who struggle with their own demons, but I do not struggle with such pervasive demons myself.

Due to the demons that my family members face, I have had quite a bit of extra responsibility this past year. I have been charged with the care of my 3 youngest siblings (with the help of my grandmother). It has been an eye-opening experience. I have learned things that I know will be valuable as I continue in my own path.

The problem comes now as I am preparing to return my siblings to their parents’ care. These sweet kids have become like my own. I wake up and get them breakfast, bring them to school, rejoice in their successes with them, and feel the pain of their failures. I have learned what other parents mean when they say that handing out consequences for their children’s actions is harder on them, as parents, than it is on the children. I love these kids more than I knew I could.

So, as I was packing all of their things and my car, I had to fight back tears. I can’t let them see my cry because I don’t want them to feel bad or like they have anything to do with my despair. I have to be strong for them. It is when I have time alone, away from them that the tears come. It feels like a part of me is being ripped from me.

There is a part of me that is excited at the prospect of living my young adult life without having to worry about finding someone to watch the kids. I will no longer be the chauffeur carting them to their school and extracurricular activities. I can have a social life that involves other young single adults instead of my “mommy friends”.

There is another part of me that will miss the noise that I hear coming from another room and the fear that someone has broken something. I will worry for their wellbeing everyday. I will hope that they know how much I love them, and that I have not given up  on them. I will pray for them daily.

What I am taking from this experience is that I need to be ok knowing that I have done all that I could do. I have given all that I was able. Now, I have to hope that the love and stability that my siblings had while they were in my care was enough to get them through any rough times that are ahead. I have to find comfort in the knowledge that I cannot change the behavior of anyone else. I can only control how I react to others. So, I will be here for my siblings when they need me. I will love them unconditionally, and I will be a safe place for them if they need it.

Mama said Idle Hands . . .

“Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop”

 

“Idle hands are the Devil’s playthings”

 

Have you heard these sayings or a variation of them before? I know I have. There are two ways to look at this, from the religious paradigm and from a more secular paradigm.

Secular Paradigm

In our world we have come to know some of our imperfections as our own “demons”. When we use this mindset to look at the phrase “idle hands are the Devil’s playground,” some light is shed.

I have seen the detriment of idleness in my own life as well as the opposite. I spent 18 months serving as a missionary in Chicago. During those months, every minute of every day was planned. I had a specific purpose and goal for those 18 months, and each day was a step to fulfilling that purpose. If I said that every day was wonderful and full of unicorns and rainbows, I would be lying. I had difficult days, but I can honestly say that those 18 months were the happiest. . . no, in those 18 months, I was the most content I have ever been. Then, I came home. I had all the time in the world, and nothing to do with it. I spiraled into a depression like I had never experienced before. Idleness allowed me to ruminate on negative thoughts. That rumination lead to isolation. It was just a cycle.

Idleness is a tool that many “demons” use. If we look at addiction, depression, anxiety, or other psychological struggles, we see that idleness often worsens them. A person suffering from addiction is often dealing with more than the substance abuse. When an addict is idle, they are often faced with whatever it is that they are trying to escape. They then turn to their coping mechanism, their addiction.

 

Religious Paradigm

Idleness is defined in the Guide to the Scriptures as “inactive and uninvolved in righteous works.”  There are numerous occasions in the scriptures where idleness is reproved.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 says, “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.”

Proverbs 19:15 says, “Slothfulness casteth into a deep sleep; and an idle soul shall suffer hunger.”

Proverbs 20:4 tells us that those who are idle cannot blame another for their lack; it says, “The sluggard will not plow by reason of the cold; therefore shall he beg in harvest, and have nothing.”

I love the analogy that can be made from Ecclesiastes 10:18 “By much slothfulness the building decayeth; and throughidleness of the hands the house droppeth through.” If we allow ourselves to be idle, we, like the building, will decay both physically and mentally.

From a religious stand point, allow oneself to be idle, gives Satan the opportunity to chip away. This occurs slowly, and the victim is often unaware until things have gotten out of hand. That idleness is what the Devil looks for; it is his way in.

 

So what?

So, however you look at it, idleness is a negative thing. How do we combat it? It is sometimes a feat to just get out of bed when you are dealing with depression. So, how do we expect to be productive? Well, first of all, be proud of yourself when you get out of bed. That is a step in the right direction.

Something I find helpful is making plans that involve other people. When I know that someone else is expecting me, I find it easier to get out the door.

I also like to do things for other people. Sometimes that means volunteering at the food bank or some church service activity. Sometimes, I just bake some cookies and bring them to someone. Helping someone else have a good day is always a booster.

Sometimes just getting outside works. Taking a walk outside often reminds me of the beauty around me. I often just sit and watch the people around me. There is something intriguing in seeing how other people interact and go about their daily lives. I love to find the beauty in those lives.

Find something you love to do and do it. You may not be able to get up and work from 9 to 5 everyday yet,but you can do something you love. For me, that is photography. I love capturing moments in time. I love trying to capture a person’s personality in a picture. Photography gives me something that helps me feel productive. What is something you love to do? Okay, go do it.

Idleness really is an enemy to a life of contentment. We need not fill our time with meaningless busy work, but we must fill our time with things we love.