Saying “No”

I recently started a job that has caused many others to become burned out, and I don’t want that to happen to me. So, I have been making sure that I make time for my own self-care. I was given a self-care assessment worksheet from the American Counseling Association.

One area I saw I needed to improve on was “say “no” to extra responsibilities sometimes”. So, for the next two weeks I made a conscious effort to say “no” to extra responsibilities. That is easier said than done!

This made me think about how we change as we grow older. Think about it. When we are first learning to talk, what is one of our favorite words? I would venture to say that, for most young children, it is “no”. At this time in our lives we can say no without feeling any sense of guilt or responsibility. As we get older, we can start to feel responsible for things we have no control over or are not responsible for. Now, I find it very difficult to tell people “no” even when I have other things I was going to do. What changes between that early part of our lives and our early adulthood? I don’t know how we get to this point, but I do know that as we become aware of behaviors that are not healthy, we can change them.

With this new knowledge, I am going to think twice before I take on extra responsibilities. I will determine whether I have the capacity to do what is asked of me, and I won’t sacrifice my own well being.

How have you dealt with this in your life? What can you do to improve?

Mama said Idle Hands . . .

“Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop”

 

“Idle hands are the Devil’s playthings”

 

Have you heard these sayings or a variation of them before? I know I have. There are two ways to look at this, from the religious paradigm and from a more secular paradigm.

Secular Paradigm

In our world we have come to know some of our imperfections as our own “demons”. When we use this mindset to look at the phrase “idle hands are the Devil’s playground,” some light is shed.

I have seen the detriment of idleness in my own life as well as the opposite. I spent 18 months serving as a missionary in Chicago. During those months, every minute of every day was planned. I had a specific purpose and goal for those 18 months, and each day was a step to fulfilling that purpose. If I said that every day was wonderful and full of unicorns and rainbows, I would be lying. I had difficult days, but I can honestly say that those 18 months were the happiest. . . no, in those 18 months, I was the most content I have ever been. Then, I came home. I had all the time in the world, and nothing to do with it. I spiraled into a depression like I had never experienced before. Idleness allowed me to ruminate on negative thoughts. That rumination lead to isolation. It was just a cycle.

Idleness is a tool that many “demons” use. If we look at addiction, depression, anxiety, or other psychological struggles, we see that idleness often worsens them. A person suffering from addiction is often dealing with more than the substance abuse. When an addict is idle, they are often faced with whatever it is that they are trying to escape. They then turn to their coping mechanism, their addiction.

 

Religious Paradigm

Idleness is defined in the Guide to the Scriptures as “inactive and uninvolved in righteous works.”  There are numerous occasions in the scriptures where idleness is reproved.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 says, “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.”

Proverbs 19:15 says, “Slothfulness casteth into a deep sleep; and an idle soul shall suffer hunger.”

Proverbs 20:4 tells us that those who are idle cannot blame another for their lack; it says, “The sluggard will not plow by reason of the cold; therefore shall he beg in harvest, and have nothing.”

I love the analogy that can be made from Ecclesiastes 10:18 “By much slothfulness the building decayeth; and throughidleness of the hands the house droppeth through.” If we allow ourselves to be idle, we, like the building, will decay both physically and mentally.

From a religious stand point, allow oneself to be idle, gives Satan the opportunity to chip away. This occurs slowly, and the victim is often unaware until things have gotten out of hand. That idleness is what the Devil looks for; it is his way in.

 

So what?

So, however you look at it, idleness is a negative thing. How do we combat it? It is sometimes a feat to just get out of bed when you are dealing with depression. So, how do we expect to be productive? Well, first of all, be proud of yourself when you get out of bed. That is a step in the right direction.

Something I find helpful is making plans that involve other people. When I know that someone else is expecting me, I find it easier to get out the door.

I also like to do things for other people. Sometimes that means volunteering at the food bank or some church service activity. Sometimes, I just bake some cookies and bring them to someone. Helping someone else have a good day is always a booster.

Sometimes just getting outside works. Taking a walk outside often reminds me of the beauty around me. I often just sit and watch the people around me. There is something intriguing in seeing how other people interact and go about their daily lives. I love to find the beauty in those lives.

Find something you love to do and do it. You may not be able to get up and work from 9 to 5 everyday yet,but you can do something you love. For me, that is photography. I love capturing moments in time. I love trying to capture a person’s personality in a picture. Photography gives me something that helps me feel productive. What is something you love to do? Okay, go do it.

Idleness really is an enemy to a life of contentment. We need not fill our time with meaningless busy work, but we must fill our time with things we love.