The Preemptive Bubble Burst

Wow, it has been way too long since I have posted! Sorry about that. I will try to be more frequent with my posts going forward.

Anyway. . .

I posted a while ago about allowing ourselves to be happy and, in another post, about the ebb and flow of life. This is along the same lines with a little bit of a different flavor.

For those who do or have struggled with mental health the possiblitly of resurfacing problems is all too real. If only everyone struggling with their mental health could be assured that, “once you get over this hump, it’s smooth sailing.” Unfortunately for many or most, this is not the case. Getting through one rough time is an accomplishment and should be acknowledged; you should be proud of yourself for working your butt off to get there! But, as has been reinforced in my life, that is just one of the twists in life. There may be some who are able to get through that hump and never look back. I am happy for you, and that does not diminish the work you put in to get where you are. Others, like me, may find themselves in that familiar hole more than once, and that does not mean that the work you put in to get out of the last hole is any better or worse than anyone else. If you’re working to be a better version of yourself, you’re amazing, and I applaud you! Keep going.

Having the rug being pulled out from under me by my emotions (more than once) and my desire to control things in my life present a problem. The first time I came through a period of depression, I felt like I was going to go forth and conquer the world (school). When that bubble burst, I lost a little bit of hope. In my mind, I had gotten through it, and I was going to move on, not looking back. When I fell back into my dark hole, I made myself comfortable there. I did not want to allow myself to feel good again just to have that taken away again. If my happiness was going to be taken, I was going to control when that happened! Somehow, in my head, that equated to “you can’t let yourself feel good because then it can be taken away again.” I made sure to burst my own bubble before anything/anyone else could. So, I would go through my days and work really hard to ignore the good things. I focused my attention on the negative and made sure to ruminate on that. If anyone wants to be miserable, that is a great way to start.

I’ve realized that our live are made of a lot of small moments. Not every moment is going to be great or even good. That doesn’t mean that our lives are bad or we deserve to be perpetually unhappy. I would venture to say that rarely, if ever, will you have a day in which nothing good happens. Now, if my definition of good is some unattainable standard like winning the lottery, then I need to redefine “good”. Sometimes, good is something as simple as finding a low price for gas (which happens all the time right now!) or, on really hard days, good can be as small as having the courage/determination to get out of bed. If I add up all the little “goods” in my day, I can see that it’s not so bad.

So, now that I am focusing on the “goods” in my days, I think I am less likely to burst my own bubble. If I find myself in that familiar hole again, I guess I will just work my butt off to get out and keep moving. I say that like this is easy, but I know it’s much easier said than done. As I teeter on the edge of my hole, I am still scared to let things be “good”, but I know I have to try.

The Ebb and Flow of Life

I’m taking a course this semester called “Culture & Gender”. This course has opened my mind to so many new ideas and concepts. We began the semester talking about differences between eastern and western cultures. We read the book The Geography of Thought by Richard Nisbett.

One concept that stuck out to me was how, in western culture, happiness is a choice. A person can choice to be happy instead of succumbing to sadness. If a person is not happy, something is wrong with you. In contrast, eastern cultures believe that life has cycles.There is a kind of ebb and flow to life. If a person is sad, they should just wait, happiness will come. If a person is happy, sadness or misfortune will come. These are just a part of life and are not permanent states of being.

It is my opinion that a person who experiences all emotions in the spectrum is a mentally healthy person. There is no concrete definition of a mental disorder, but NCBI says:

“In DSM-IV, each of the mental disorders is conceptualized as a clinically significant behavioral or psychological syndrome or pattern that occurs in an individual and that is associated with present distress (e.g., a painful symptom) or disability (i.e., impairment in one or more important areas of functioning) or with a significantly increased risk of suffering death, pain, disability, or an important loss of freedom. In addition, this syndrome or pattern must not be merely an acceptable and culturally sanctioned response to a particular event, for example, the death of a loved one. Whatever its original cause, it must currently be considered a manifestation of a behavioral, psychological, or biological dysfunction in the individual.”

In American culture, we are very quick to label something so that we can “fix” it. What if some of these diagnoses don’t need to be “fixed’? Are we perpetuating these “disorders” unintentionally? These are all questions that have come to my ind this semester. Don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that there are not any mental disorders or that the struggles gone through by people are not valid. I am merely wondering if we could lower the prevalence by changing how we think of our emotions. I think that psychology and counseling are very important. I myself have benefitted from them, but I think we need to be careful about labeling people or telling them that they will struggle with the disorder for the rest of their lives.

I believe there is great power in the future. In getting through struggles now, I have found it helpful to look forward. What is my purpose in life? What do I want to contribute to the world? Once I realized that I wanted to help people who were struggling, getting through my own struggles became even more important. My will to go on through the tough times was strengthened. I asked myself, “How can I help others if I am not here? How can I help others if I am not ok myself?” These questions helped me push forward.

For those with emotional struggles, hold on. Keep going. I want you to find the purpose in your life, find those questions that will keep you going. The storm will pass. Sometimes another person is needed to get through the storm, but you can get through it.